IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #investment #art #money #services #facilities
it is considered by some
people
 that many
governments
 spend a lot of
money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 . Because ars is essential for human life . But
on the other hand
 , others say
money
 is better spent on public services and facilities. İn my opinion , many
countries
 struggle with wars and poverty in the world . İf spent
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 will be decreased by
governments
 and
this
money
 will spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these
countries
 and many
countries
 will be rescued .
Firstly
 , many
people
 think
investment
 in
art
 is necessary .
art
 provides many things
such
 as
finish
Replace the word
finishing
show examples
 depression and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 happier
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human life .
However
 ,
governments
 and
investments
Change the noun form
investment
show examples
 owners spend a lot of
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 , and
thus
 many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 where live many troubles can't be rescued from trouble .
For instance
 , a human who
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 in
Add an article
a
show examples
poor country will
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 life level if
governments
 or
investments
Change the noun form
investment
show examples
 owners will spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 poor
countries
 , and
thus
 many
people
 who live
much
Change preposition
in much
show examples
 trouble can be rescued .
Secondly
 , some
people
 think
investment
 in
art
 is unnecessary and according to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, spent
money
 should be provided
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other things
such
 as education and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. İn my opinion ,
this
 idea is true . Many
people
 who don't have the right education or live
much
Change preposition
in much
show examples
 trouble can be rescued thanks to
this
 spent
money
 .
For instance
 , a child who
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
ha
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 not to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right education won't
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a good career in future if
governments
 still
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 spend their
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 . İn conclusion , some
people
 think
investment
 in
art
 is necessary and some
people
 think
investment
 in
art
 is unnecessary . İn my opinion , many
people
 struggle with wars and poverty. These
people
 can be rescued if spent
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 will be decreased by
investmnets
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
 owners or
governments
.
Submitted by atescagdas826 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: