IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 are as significant for grown-ups
as well as
Linking Words
 youngsters.I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because it is physically demanding and helps build social
skills
Use synonyms
.The essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance
as well as
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 examples in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,the most compelling reason for agreeing with
this
Linking Words
 opinion is physically demanding.Playing activities
such
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 as Football,Basketball
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Volleyball are challenging exercises.The
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 and the senior citizens burn fat because of involving themselveS in those
games
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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,it prevents diseases.When the young generations and adults involve themselves in those
Use synonyms
games
Punctuation problem
games,
show examples
 it prevents them from becoming obese.Obesity is a factor in a lot of disease conditions.
For instance
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,obesity is a factor in Hypertension,Diabetes Mellitus and Kidney problems.If individuals
play
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 outdoor activities ,it will prevent them from
diseases
Verb problem
getting diseases
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should make sure that citizens
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in those activities.
Secondly
Linking Words
,another reason that it is significant for individuals to be involved in
games
Use synonyms
 is social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.They are able to build their communication
skills
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 as they play Football together.
Besides
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,it helps them to know how to work as a team because it will help them in the future when they are employed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,they tend to learn leadership
skills
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 and accept each
other
Check wording
other's
show examples
 views
as a result
Linking Words
 of playing together as a group.
For example
Linking Words
 ,I learned my leadership
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 through playing soccer in my high school days. In conclusion,the essay argued that outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 are essential to the grown-ups and the young generations.Social
skills
Use synonyms
 and prevention of diseases are the two main reasons I opine to
this
Linking Words
 view.

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planning
Plan the essay before you write. Think of two main ideas and write a small plan how to show them.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear idea and use one rule in that paragraph.
grammar
Use simple and clean language. Check spelling and grammar in every sentence.
evidence
Give a real example with numbers or facts where you can.
cohesion
Use easy linking words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'for example' to join your ideas.
idea
You show a clear view and give reasons.
evidence
You give examples to support your point.
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