Many young people today spend too much time following the latest fashion trends in areas such as clothing and technology. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
day and age, Youngsters spend lavishly to stay updated on their looks and technical knowledge.
However
, upgrading oneself with the ongoing fashion and gizmos must not be at the stake of hard-earned money. I strongly condemn
this
unnecessary expenditure on the expensive things which burn the pockets.
To begin
with, it is nowadays quite mundane the
spending
Replace the word
spend
show examples
on unwanted things and misuse
salaries
Change preposition
of salaries
show examples
.
Moreover
, children are more interestingly focused on the recent trends and electronic equipment so that they can brag with their peers.
For instance
, it has been observed that 80 per cent of youngsters buy exorbitant phones just to boast and flaunt their peer circle.
This
may result in forcing the parents to buy these devices or they may engage themselves in procuring money from illegal activities.
Furthermore
, dwelling with the latest gadgets will detrimentally affect the studies of children as they will focus more on using advanced technology.
In addition
, these modern technical things would ruin the traditional way of learning in schools and colleges. In a recent survey by
technical trend
Correct your spelling
Technical Trend
show examples
magazine, it was seen that the young generation is inclining more towards the latest watches, phones and cars as compared to ten years back which is profoundly impacting their academic outcomes.
Therefore
, bringing these unwanted needs would dilapidate their career prospects as they tend to spend a hefty amount of time on
such
type of equipment. In conclusion,
although
staying upgraded to fashion and technology is required in
this
globalised world,
this
must not be gained with
extravagantly
Change the adverb
extravagant
show examples
spending.
Submitted by tarankaur15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The response is relevant and mostly addresses the prompt. However, there is some lack of clarity and development in some areas.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack depth and clarity. The essay would benefit from stronger structural coherence and clearer connection between ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fashion-forward
  • Trendsetting
  • Peer pressure
  • Consumerism
  • Brand-conscious
  • Social media influencers
  • Sustainable fashion
  • Eco-consciousness
  • Disposable income
  • Fast fashion
  • Technophile
  • Digital divide
  • Planned obsolescence
  • Status symbol
  • Cutting-edge
  • Materialistic
  • Ethical consumerism
  • Personal identity
  • Body image
What to do next:
Look at other essays: