Full-time university students spend much of their time on study. Some people think it is essential for them to take other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Study has become the primary focus for undergraduate
students
enrolled in full-time tertiary education. Certain individuals
preceive
Correct your spelling
perceive
receive
that it is vital for
students
to engage in
activities
outside of academic subjects.
This
idea should be strongly endorsed
due to
the following factors that are regarded to be advantageous for the comprehensive development of undergraduates per se.
Firstly
,
students
' participation in extracurricular
activities
outside of school allows them to acquire fundamental life . As an illustration. Many
students
participate in part-time employment or internships after lectures, which enables them to master workplace skills
such
as practical experience in
buisiness
Correct your spelling
business
, effective communication tactics, resource management and project organisation at an early stage.
This
helps them become well-prepared candidates in the competitive job market upon graduation and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
the employment rate.
Furthermore
, joining extracurricular
activities
can promote a well-rounded lifestyle and enhance mental well-being. Exclusively prioritising academic excellence might result in significant stress and potentially lead to burnout for a student. Extracurricular
activities
can have the effect of allowing
students
to unwind from their busy studies and enhance their capacity to concentrate and focus on tasks,
therefore
fostering a harmonious equilibrium between work and personal life.
However
, it is seen that
students
might be easily distracted from their coursework when they have to participate in non-academic
activities
, which can undermine their academic performance. In
this
situation, it is important for
students
to maintain a harmonious equilibrium between their academic pursuits and other interests.
Students
may cultivate their time management and organisational abilities to ensure that their academics and non-academic endeavours coexist together. In conclusion, it is highly advisable for
students
to allocate time towards non-academic pursuits in order to acquire practical experience and workplace skills that are beneficial for their future careers.
Additionally
, engaging in
such
activities
promotes a well-rounded and balanced lifestyle, which is conducive to
overall
well-being.
Submitted by elly201559 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure, but there are some minor inconsistencies that could be improved. Ensure each paragraph introduces a unique point and that the point is elaborated fully before moving on to the next.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are present, providing a full response to the question with a clear position. Both could benefit from sharper thesis statements and more decisive concluding remarks to highlight the writer's stance.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with explanations, yet they lack detailed and specific examples to illustrate the arguments more clearly. Aim to include precise instances or data where possible to substantiate your claims.
task achievement
The response is complete and addresses the task with a clear perspective throughout the essay. To improve, ensure that all parts of the prompt are considered and that your agreement or disagreement is consistently supported by your discussion.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, but the development of these ideas can be deepened. Work on expanding the supporting ideas with further analysis and critical thinking to create a more persuasive argument.
task achievement
The essay includes examples, but they are somewhat general and lack specificity. Enrich your writing by incorporating more relevant and specific cases or anecdotes to firmly anchor your argument and make your point more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Personal growth
  • Soft skills
  • Burnout
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Employability
  • Practical experiences
  • Academic excellence
  • Mastery
  • Time management
  • Self-discovery
  • Social interaction
  • Building networks
  • Career opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: