some people feel that entertainers such as film stars,pop musicians or sports persons are paid too much money.Do you agree or disagree?which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #persons #money #jobs

Entertainers are an important part of society and they entertain individuals in different ways.It is believed by a few individuals that they are getting more than they deserve,which

according to

me, is not a correct statement at all.I thought that they ought to be highly paid

along with

the educators and welfare workers. To commence with,the reason to support my view is that these so-called stars may be in sports, and music

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

getting high wages

according to

their talent.Most of them start from a humble background but with their struggles and hard work they become popular and because of

this

they start earning more money compared to the past.

For instance

,the world-famous Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar earned a lot in his career and most of them were from

sponsorers

Correct your spelling

sponsors

show examples

In addition

,most organisations hire them for the advertisement of their product

although

this

will elevate their sales. Moving towards the other part,there are certainly some jobs in the community,to whom society pays less to them,namely instructors and social workers.

As tutors

Correct word choice

Tutors

show examples

are pillars of the country even though they

pay

Wrong verb form

are paid

show examples

less than the stars as they helped in the development of the country.To cite an example, tutors teach the children in the schools as if they are the future of the nation,if teachers do not teach them properly

then

the future of the state will be in danger.

Same

Correct article usage

The same

show examples

with the case of social workers ,they

also

keep the country clear ,

nevertheless

their salaries are very low as compared to the other jobs.

To conclude

, In my ,opinion there are no problems if celebrities are getting too much ,but society should help the other professions,I would suggest that the government should be more enthusiastic to improve the pay scales for educators and social corps.

Fri Sep 02 2022

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Task Achievement

The essay somewhat addresses the question but lacks development and depth in argumentation. It contains some relevant examples but needs better organization and coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction and a conclusion. However, the development of the main points lacks clarity and the connection between them is weak. The use of cohesive devices needs improvement to enhance coherence.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people feel that entertainers such as film stars,pop musicians or sports persons are paid too much money.Do you agree or disagree?which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, people wear more Western-style clothes (e.g. jeans and T-shirts) than their traditional clothes. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Most people accept that we now live in a globalized world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial. To what extent is globalization a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?