IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Many manufacturers process food and drink
products
 containing high levels of
sugar
, which cause many health issues. The
products
 should be increased the price to encourage
consumers
 to have less
sugar
. I do not agree
that is
 the major way to teach
consumers
 to consider the health problems that happen from the high absorption of
sugar
. On the one hand, changing the price of any product can cause directed effects on
consumers
 that shopping for any
products
. The increasing amounts of money taken to buy any
products
 that do not relate to the real cost burden
people
.
For example
, the increase in sugary drinks or food can make more outcomes totally in a month in a family if these
products
 need to shop. There are many other choices to encourage
people
 to know the bad side of high
sugar
 level intake.
Moreover
, the encouraging organization should be done by the government which is the central section and does not conflict with changing the product's price. Which should take some action to give more information about the real benefits and contrast of
sugar
 and the many choices of effects to take.
For example
, push some campaigns to inform in public about the maximum limit of
sugar
people
 should intake a day and how to choose the food or drink patterns or promote the health benefit that
people
 get from low
sugar
 meals to avoid the risk of diabetes that may be happened for some
people
 who consume
sugar
 upper than recommend limit. To sum up, I do not agree that way expensive
sugar
products
 can make
consumers
 choose less intake. While those are many patterns
instead
 and the government should play an important role to promote the real information and danger of
sugar
 for the citizen.
Submitted by vanil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: