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Band 5.5

Some people think travelling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #wastes #time #expense
Today in the world of
people
 who seek
Add an article
a
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new
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to travel. The juvenile
people
 who love to travel outside their own countries for more way memories. While others suppose that they can lose money and spend more days. I would argue that juniors should go outside to find the other world in their own way. On one hand, the travelling of young
people
 going to other countries explore their
life
 value time.
Firstly
 there is the
life
 age range to learn something new.
Moreover
, when they meet
people
 or new cultures different from they live that might give some inspiration back. For ,example new experiences with foods which they try once at the local restaurant will inspire and north them to be a chef. While other languages could attract them to be interested in studying diplomacy.
On the other hand
, the cost of travelling may a big problem for some families. When going outside everything is
a
Change preposition
at a
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cost. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 some young
people
 choose to stop their student
life
 when they have gone outside and have trapped from the temptation which they got and can lose the time to treat their health form injured they got. For ,stant some
people
 stay in the hospital between trips from food poisoning and some
people
 may move out and get married to the rural girl whom they met. In conclusion, even going to foreign countries can lose time and money but in my opinion, I suppose that these more positive to make their
life
 experience that can not replace by anything
Submitted by vanil on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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