IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
It is argued that the government should more invest in local services rather than,cinema, music and arts because
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 misspending. I completely agree with the given statement due to
healthcare
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education. In my view, in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 times
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
 is not the priority. Lots of people need help due to:
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
Add a missing verb
have change
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change
Replace the word
changed
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the
Change the word
their
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 way of living from active to always sitting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 chair or sofa.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 food is more processed and society eat not
bilanse
Correct your spelling
balanced
balance
 diet.in
this
 days. I mean that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 impossible
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 government will change that ,so they need to invest in building new hospitals and increase
Correct your spelling
hiring
Correct article usage
the hireing
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hireing
Correct your spelling
hiring
doctors
Change preposition
of doctors
show examples
.As the result,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest in hospitals to help people with their health problems.
Furthermore
,
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
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 to encourage
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
show examples
 to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college and
this
 will be the power to grow every aspect of living. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
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,if
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 be more educated,they would improve machines,
healthcare
Correct word choice
and healthcare
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is said in
first
Change the article
the first
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 argument. For
Correct your spelling
instance
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, develop students invent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electric cars so the environment won't be worse,the air is cleaner,
Correct word choice
and peoples
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 lungs are healthier. the leadership have to invest in education, so the world will be better and better.
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 educated people will find
Add an article
a way
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to minimize crimes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because in our generation crimes are increasing. To sum up, the investment
Correct your spelling
in the
inthe
Correct your spelling
in
 pleasure is not
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 important
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 public services.From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the leadership in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 few years should think about giving more money to
healthcare
 and education.
Submitted by bandrowskaagnieszka1 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
What to do next:
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