Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertising is one of the major concerns in modern society. Whether it can be designed mainly for kids is a
contraversial
Correct your spelling
controversial
issue. While
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
can offer students some benefits, my view is that the cons overweight the pros. It is clear that
advertisements
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aimed at children are rather interesting so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can easily attract kids’ attention.
This
Linking Words
means that students may be easily addicted to these commercials and pay less attention to their studies. So, in order to reduce the negative influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
kids’
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
Use synonyms
should not be created for pupils.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since the advertising aimed to inspire the expenditure desire of individuals, it may be harmful to pupils’ mental health.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cartoon shows always have lots of toy ads which are really attractive and can easily inspire kids’ “taste”. In
this
Linking Words
case, If their parents refuse to buy the toys, they may feel upset and depressed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Correct your spelling
those
thoes
Correct your spelling
those
who harbour the view that children can receive
advertisements
Use synonyms
believe that it can improve the economic condition of society. There are, of course, some kids
would
Correct pronoun usage
who would
show examples
ask their parents to purchase the toys
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
may benefit the local
Correct your spelling
economic
econic
Correct your spelling
economy
in a limited way. But it may put more financial burdens
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor families. In conclusion, as far as study, mental health and
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
are concerned, I strongly hold that
advertisements
Use synonyms
can not aim at pupils. Of course, we should not ignore the important role advertising
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
undertaking in some cases.
Submitted by 878663872 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: