IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active role of modern technology in people's leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree?

Technology
Use synonyms
-related issues are one of the most critical challenges almost every country is facing.The
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 whether the
improving
Replace the word
improvement
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 of entertainment
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
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 cannot beneficial to innovation or not
remains
Change the verb form
remain
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 controversial.In my opinion, I totally agree with the view that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
Use synonyms
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
show examples
 can be enormously beneficial to creativity, and I am going to consider below two main arguments to support my position. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is that
technology
Use synonyms
 can bring more possibilities to create new recreational activities.
This
Linking Words
 means it can be combined with entertainment projects, which have a crucial role to inspire fresh ideas and innovative play experiences.
For example
Linking Words
, when coming to
amusement
Add an article
an amusement
the amusement
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park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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, especially
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Disneyland, the project
of
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apply
show examples
roller
Add an article
the roller
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 coaster
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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added the virtual cosmic light-sensing scenes, which was a combination of a traditional sense of speed experience and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technological innovation. It can be seen as a crucial role in helping
developer
Fix the agreement mistake
developers
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 create
more
Add an article
a more
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 interesting tactile and visual
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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,and bringing players a better sense of play. The
second
Linking Words
 reason is that the advent of
technique
Replace the word
technology
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 can facilitate the occurrence of fresh ideas. As the fact is that it can help the talented people show themselves to outsides world better, which help them being recognized and more confidence to promote the presentation of more works.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
celerities
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and ordinary individuals can have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 online concert, it
being
Change the form of the verb
is
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 blessed by
technology
Use synonyms
 to increase the visual performance and enhance the music and virtual presentation of live performance, which can promote the dissemination and creation. Undoubtedly,
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 can expect more creativity in any
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
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 of entertainment, no matter the
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
. In sum, for both of the above reasons, I strongly agree with the view that information
technique
Replace the word
technology
show examples
 can promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity and imagination
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
technology
Use synonyms
 can positively contribute to providing more opportunities and possibilities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new ideas.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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