IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should sometimes infringe on people's freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the salad days of the millennium, an increase in the number of security threats has been observed over the past few decades.
However
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, it has been opined that the liberty of the masses is sometimes compromised by the authority for the sake of the community's protection. I partially agree with
this
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 notion and in the following paragraphs, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 shed light on numerous reasons to support my stance. To commence with the facet of agreement, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour. First and foremost, it helps in keeping people
to
Change preposition
apply
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bound to certain limits.
For example
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, on special occasions
such
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 as the
new year
Correct your spelling
New Year
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 celebration, folks are specially restricted from doing fireworks because a large number of humans are celebrating it at the same time and it can
be reached
Wrong verb form
reach
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 an extreme level.
As a result
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, the possibility of the occurrence of accidents becomes higher.
Moreover
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, it is
made
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apply
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essential for drivers to wear seat belts
while
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 driving. They often feel uncomfortable with it despite that drivers have to make sure that it must be worn properly
otherwise
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 they are penalized and fined. Shifting towards the second school of thought,
instead
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 of infringing on
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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 freedom, the government should provide proper surveillance.
For instance
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, every step of dwellers should be watched carefully without letting them know and only if anything
finds
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is
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 suspicious it should be checked and isolated by the security forces.
Thus
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, there is no need to bother the whole population.
Furthermore
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, social training and environmental awareness programs should be introduced. The more the individuals are guided and
realized
Wrong verb form
realise
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 their communal duties, the more they become responsible
to protect
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for protecting
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 society themselves.
Hence
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,
this
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succours
Verb problem
encourages
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 them to live freely
while
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 depending less on the bureaucrats. In conclusion, it is commonly believed that the liberty of residents is infringed by the administration
due to
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 the safety of the community. I partially support
this
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 statement because other essential measures can
also
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 be taken, for illustration communal training and proper surveillance, to protect it.

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task response
Improve the clarity of your response to the essay question by focusing on the specific points presented in the prompt. Make sure to develop your argument based on these points to address the task effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and consistent organizational structure. Ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical sequence and that there is a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic of the essay.
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