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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Many
museums
 require an
admission
 fee,
while
 others do not. I believe the advantage of
this
 fee far outweighs its disadvantage because
without
Add the comma(s)
, without
show examples
 it, many
museums
 wouldn’t be able to protect their
collections
 well. On the one hand, entrance fees may discourage people from visiting.
For example
, in China, all public
museums
 are free to Chinese citizens. So, low-income families who cannot afford places,
such
 as amusement parks and movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
, often take their children to
museums
 to spend their weekends. They may stop visiting them if they have to pay to enter.
However
,
according to
 my observation, most of them go there not to appreciate the exhibits but to enjoy the free air-conditioning. They create noise and overcrowd
museums
.
Therefore
, I think a reduction in visitor numbers would not be a bad thing.
On the other hand
,
admission
charges
 allow
museums
 to better protect their
collections
.
Due to
 climate change, natural
disasters
 are happening more and more frequently. By charging for
admission
,
museums
 can afford to use high-tech methods to minimize the impact of these
disasters
.
For instance
, with revenue from entrance
charges
, New York City’s Whitney Museum of American Art was able to build an up-to-date flood wall, which protects its works from potential flooding of the river nearby. I think
this
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
On the other hand
,
admission
charges
 allow
museums
 to better protect their
collections
.
Due to
 climate change, natural
disasters
 are happening more and more frequently. By charging for
admission
,
museums
 can afford to use high-tech methods to minimize the impact of these
disasters
.
For instance
, with revenue from entrance
charges
, New York City’s Whitney Museum of American Art was able to build an up-to-date flood wall, which protects its works from potential flooding of the river nearby. I think
this
 is a great advantage for
museums
 because some of their works are masterpieces from the past. Keeping them in good condition is important for our cultural heritage. In conclusion,
although
 a paid-
admission
 model may deter visitors, I believe
this
 disadvantage is greatly outweighed by the advantage that the money raised helps to fund the upkeep of
museums
’
collections
.
Submitted by Fa Ha on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides a comprehensive response. Ensure that you address all aspects of the prompt in your response to achieve the highest score.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a well-organized structure with logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the preceding and following paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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