Job application needs improvement. Please discuss your view about the point.

My name is Tien Dat Nguyen, and I’m an undergraduate student at KAIST majoring in Computer Science. Recently, I did a job search and discovered that Moloco is opening some Machine Learning internship positions in Seoul. I was thrilled by
this
opportunity because Machine Learning is my domain of interest and I have always been impressed by Moloco’s fantastic technological solutions. In the preceding semesters, I took five courses that covered various machine learning topics
such
as Computer vision and Reinforcement learning. By participating in these courses’ projects, I acquired numerous valuable skills, including data processing, fine-tuning models, visualization, and many others. I contributed significantly to my teams, and I am confident that these experiences make me a strong candidate for your company’s opening positions. For more details about my experiences and skills, please have a look at the resume attached to
this
email. Again, thank you for spending time considering my job application. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Submitted by kaistdat123 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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