IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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A few individuals believe that it is of great benefit
relocating
Change the verb form
to relocate
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 big factories and offices from major cities to suburban regions.
However
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, others believe
otherwise
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. I think locating them in the urban region has more positive outcomes posses when compared to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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relocation.
To begin
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 with, there are benefits involved in citing firms and industrial facilities in the developed regions.
First,
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there is an attraction of foreign investors to these locations because these are the parts of the state with good social amenities .
This
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 in turn increases the development and monetary generation of the state through tax.
For instance
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, research shows that 60 -70% of the growth experienced by developed areas is through tax generated from investors.
In addition
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, the increased number of factories in these towns creates more employment opportunities for the youths since
that is
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 where they are more in population.
This
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 in turn results in a reduction in unemployment. Certain situations have shown that the more engaged a juvenile is, the less he thinks about crime. Nowadays, the occurrence of traffic congestion in our society has been directly linked to the industrialization of the major cities of the country .
For example
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, a report shows that every employee of a good company owns a car and they are being used on the few good roads in the country
thus
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 resulting in traffic-jam.
Also
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, the increasing population in these areas leads to the issue of high demand and supply with consequent inflation. Studies have shown that the recent increase in the prices of goods and services in these cities is
due to
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 the high number of companies in those regions because it is believed that all factory workers are rich. In conclusion, some humans have the thought of moving major industries and companies to the villages. I believe factories and firms should not be relocated to less developed areas because they have more positive impacts if left in their present location.

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task response
The essay provides a clear opinion and presents arguments to support it. However, more specific examples and evidence could be provided to make the arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of transitioning between ideas and providing stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the arguments.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammar with generally accurate sentence structures. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors that could be improved.
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