IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Task 2: Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #level #violence #films #tv #cinema
In the present age,whether the amount of brutality in films must be controlled has sparked much debate. Some
people
 assert that the degree of ferocity in films on TV and at the cinema must be balanced by authorities, whereas many others argue that overseeing
extent
Correct article usage
the extent
show examples
 of
violence
 is not required. From my point of view ,
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of ferocity in movies has to be regulated by the Officials. Office bearers are supposed to be responsible for controlling the amount of brutality in movies for a variety of reasons . To start with ,
People
 connect themselves with the
flims
Correct your spelling
films
 and the
hero's
Change noun form
heroes
show examples
 in the movies are treated as gods by them.
Hence
 ,
People
 will blindly follow what is shown in the movie and behave in that way . Whatever is shown to be controlled
therefore
society
 will be in peace .
For Instance
 , If a movie has
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 robbery scene with more explanation of how to do it , Fans of the Hero will follow the same route . Due to
this
 , there will be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 which is not
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 that
people
 want to be . Certainly few
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 scenes
to
Add a missing verb
are to
show examples
 be shown to the public to make them understand the reality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in the world and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
live in the imaginary world. Scenes like Child abuse ,
Women
Change noun form
Women's
show examples
 protection can be shown in a
menaningful
Correct your spelling
meaningful
 way so that the women will understand the real
occurences
Correct your spelling
occurrences
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 . In conclusion ,
Few
Correct article usage
a Few
show examples
Violence
 scenes can be shown to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness
Correct your spelling
among
amont
Correct your spelling
among
 the
people
 . but Government must regulate the level of
violence
 which is not
Correct your spelling
necessary
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for the
people
 to see . In
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
people
 will be living in a wholesome
society
.
Submitted by mkparthasarathy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: