IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

interest in homeschooling is becoming more widespread around the world. in your opinion, should school be compulsory for all children, or should families be allowed the right to choose to educate their children at home?

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These days, more and more people are supporting and encouraging homeschooling all over the world. In my opinion, I believe that schools must be mandatory for all young ones, despite the benefits of education at home because it teaches social skills and provides
overall
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 education to children.
This
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 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, educational institutions allow kids to learn social skills.
That is
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 to say that when learning in a school environment, students not only focus on various
subjects
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 to improve their knowledge, but
also
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 they learn how to get on with others which is significantly important in their adult age.
In addition
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,
such
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 education
also
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 teaches them about moral values
such
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 as sharing and tolerance.
For example
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, a recent study found that offspring who go to learning centres for studies often have well-disciplined behaviour because
such
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 centres make them
to be
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apply
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good members of society.
Secondly
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, they gain knowledge in various
subjects
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 which is not possible in homeschooling.
In other words
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, a child can learn up to ten different
subjects
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 that are taught by up to ten different teachers which in turn helps to gain immense knowledge in all aspects.
However
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, parents do not have access to all those resources as tutors or enough time to teach varied
subjects
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 in order to improve their level of educational experience.
As a result
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, children might left behind in academic development.
For instance
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, research proved that studying at home is not very effective in terms of the amount of information they gain to support their future life. In conclusion, even though homeschooling is much more of an interest to many parents, I believe that the government should make compulsory schooling considering the
overall
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 benefits
such
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 as the level of learning and socialising that are associated with the development of children.

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task achievement
While your essay presents clear main points, it could benefit from deeper development and use of concrete examples. Instead of speaking in general terms about the benefits of social skills and broad education through schooling, provide specific, real-world examples that clearly support your claims. This will help underpin your argument with tangible evidence, making your position more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow with an introduction and a conclusion that clearly present your stance on the topic. To improve coherence, consider linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases, pronominal references, and conjunctions. This will help to show the relationships between your ideas more clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory education
  • Homeschooling
  • Formal education
  • Personalization
  • Flexibility
  • Socialization
  • Peer interaction
  • Educational outcomes
  • Success rates
  • Traditionally schooled
  • Societal implications
  • Parental involvement
  • Technological advancements
  • Cultural differences
  • Learning styles
  • Feasibility
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