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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delivate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them?

#people #balance #work #part #lives #delivate
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Nowadays, many people are facing that couldn'
t
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 take enough
time
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 to use for their privates. In
this
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 essay, I will describe the reason why most workers are not able to achieve balance, in
work
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 and other parts of their lives.
First
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 of all, many people must spend so much
time
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 on their
work
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instead
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 of their daily lives.
For example
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, in my country, there are a lot of things to do in companies. Our supervisors force us to finish these tasks before the deadline. We must
work
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 for a long
time
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 even after the end of the
work
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time
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. Generally,
this
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 problem will be solved when the company hire enough workers.
However
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, they can'
t
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 do it because the number of younger is decreasing in Japan.
Similarly
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, the same problems maybe happen in the US, European countries and most part of the OECD countries.
On the other hand
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, even if we could take some holidays, we can'
t
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 spend them playing with our children, shopping and going to restaurants with my wife. We are usually very tired of daily
work
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.
Therefore
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, we feel to want to spend
time
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 when we don'
t
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 have to
work
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 for healing ourselves.
For instance
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, in Japan, the research shows the average overwork
time
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 is 30 hours a week. We have to
work
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 for a long
time
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 and we are tired too much in the current society. I personally believe that new technologies will solve these problems because they can improve our efficiency of
work
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.
Consequently
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, the government or the head of the company has to choose these techniques wisely. When our efficiency of
work
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 improves, the situation of
this
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 balance becomes better in the future.
Submitted by hama6767 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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