IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Current
parents
Use synonyms
 assume that preschool-age children should be nurtured by childcare
centres
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think older relatives are a better option to care for the kids. I firmly believe that special
centres
Use synonyms
 are the best services for children since they are professionals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, going to these
centres
Use synonyms
 is a really important moment for a preschool-age child that should be experienced. First and foremost, the childcare
centres
Use synonyms
 hire specialists, who graduated from universities and studied special courses
such
Linking Words
 as pedagogy, child psychology and the means of proper nurturing, so these workers know how to communicate with kids and what is essential to them at their age.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is an educational technique "Montessori", which is used in many public and private kindergartens, where teachers develop the basic life skills of toddlers and their natural interests methodologically. There are a number of positive feedbacks from
parents
Use synonyms
, relatives and society about
this
Linking Words
 method.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, grandparents can look after kids, in that case, a child stays with relatives
instead
Linking Words
 of being surrounded by strangers in care
centres
Use synonyms
. It might be really stressful and challenging for children to go a kindergarten.
However
Linking Words
, visiting these
centres
Use synonyms
 is the first step in socialization and separation from
parents
Use synonyms
, so every toddler needs to undergo it. An example of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 can be adults, who did not use the services of
chilcare
Correct your spelling
childcare
child care
centres
Use synonyms
, they find it hard to interact with people even in adulthood. In conclusion, I speculate that
parents
Use synonyms
 should use the help of childcare
centres
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is a required phase of bringing up which stimulates
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of many skills of a kid.
Submitted by kama.star.00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure there is a clear overview at the beginning of the essay to outline what will be discussed, and try to maintain a balance in the discussion of both views before concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure that the essay flows more naturally from one idea to the next and to better connect your points and examples.
task achievement
Include specific, detailed examples to support each viewpoint. Personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios can add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarises the key points effectively and reflects the arguments made throughout the essay, clearly stating your personal stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured educational environment
  • early childhood education
  • stimulating activities
  • cognitive and social development
  • peer interaction
  • social skills
  • fostering independence
  • personalized and emotionally supportive environment
  • sense of security
  • emotional well-being
  • wealth of life experience
  • cultural values and traditions
  • enriching upbringing
  • familiar environment
  • structured activities
  • social interaction
  • hybrid approach
  • well-rounded experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: