IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Counties such as China, India and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some suggestions to address this problem.

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In the salad days of the millennium, a drastic increase in the number of people has been recorded especially in developing countries.
Nonetheless
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, it is generally opinioned by some scientists that,
this
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 phenomenon can be more dangerous to the earth . In
this
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 essay , I
would
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 shed light on numerous problems and solutions with examples. To commence with the facet of agreement, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour. First and foremost, the increased population can lead to the overuse of natural resources.
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,
as a result
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 of
this
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, farming lands and forests are exploited to buy new buildings for living purposes.
Moreover
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, it can affect other flora and fauna.
Furthermore
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, it can lead to pollution thereby, can cause serious health issues. To illustrate
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, a survey conducted in Delhi which is one of the most populated and polluted cities in India showed around 50% of people suffer from Asthma and other cardiac issues
duty
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due
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 to inhalation of contaminated air and consumption of dirty water. Shifting toward the second school of thought,
besides
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 the adverse ,effect there are many possible solutions to solve it.
First,
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the government could conduct awareness classes for the public by highlighting the consequences for the larger population.
Secondly
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, authorities can provide contraceptive methods to families for birth control.
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, In India, a programme was introduced to villages with the main intention
to prevent
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of preventing
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 conception by distributing condoms which are free of cost. In conclusion, it is possible to build a better world by reducing the number of children in families by opting for contraceptive measures and there it is achievable to protect our environment.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. For example, use more linking words to enhance the transitions between different points you make.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion to recap the main points discussed in the essay and reinforce the significance of the suggestions provided.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, explain more about the awareness programs or specific statistics related to the contraceptive methods used in India.
overall assessment
You have presented a relevant introduction and conclusion that outlines the main topic and summarizes your argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like the survey in Delhi effectively supports your points about health issues due to pollution, showing good analytical thinking.
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