IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, the crimes rate amongst underaged people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

#countries #crimes #rate #people
It is irrefutable fact that nowadays, most
crimes
 are committed by the youth in several parts of the world.
However
,
this
 is caused by the
use
 of technical equipment and lack of supervision by the guardians.
Although
, solutions could be taken to solve
this
 issue which I will state with a brief explanation and examples in the forthcoming paragraphs. Undoubtedly, the crime rate amongst the underaged generation has been escalating.
Moreover
,
this
 is happening just due to the heavy
use
 of technical appliances
such
 as video games, smartphones and so on. To elaborate, these days, youngsters are highly addicted to watching their favourite serials on the television
such
 as aware India, crime petrol and CID.
Additionally
, these visual images create a mindset in their mind to fight with police and
use
 drugs to get vanished their worries.
Although
, while using phones they watch unfamiliar ads which are irrelevant and produce wrong sexual content when they open the link and watch so get indulged in
crimes
.
Secondly
, they attain a lack of supervision from their
parents
 and at that time they believe in their peer group who already participated in bad activities and they
also
 get indulged in
crimes
 with them.
On the other hand
, these problems can be tackled by taking
such
 actions by their
parents
 and the higher authorities in their neighbouring areas. To explain,
parents
 should teach their children how to behave, which time people should be friends with them, and they should allow them to make
use
 of technical pieces of equipment limit and
also
 should spend most of their time with them.
In addition
, the government should be banned sites which contained unfamiliar, wrong, sexual content because it not only put negative effects on the development of a child but
also
 make them addicted to using and watching it more and more.
Additionally
, by implementing
such
 solutions they will be aware and think several times before using
such
 information. To recapitulate, it is rightly said that the crime rate is increasing and younger age has a significant role in
crimes
 these days.
However
, taking
such
 actions by the local authorities of native areas and supervision of their
parents
 can easily tackle these issues.
Submitted by ankeshsaini100 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: