IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time, but fail to do so. What are the reasons of this failure? What are the possible solutions?

In a competitive era, for a prosperous walk of
life
Use synonyms
, it is significant for individuals to simultaneously balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work and personal
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 reasons prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from achieving that goal. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss the causes and suggest some solutions to mitigate these problems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
first
Linking Words
 reason for the inability to achieve work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance is technology. Everyone is more reachable
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 ever before in the past. The cell phone has thinned the line between personal and professional lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, the survey in 2020
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 that the level of stress among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is increased as they extend their working hours and perform
Add an article
the task
a task
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 at home to meet
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 requirements.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they get exhausted and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 able to spend quality time with their family. I strongly suggest that effective steps can be taken to address the problem of imbalance between job and family.
Firstly
Linking Words
, prioritising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things would make difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
a person
show examples
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. To explain, everyone must try to introspect and see what
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them happy and
then
Linking Words
 spend time
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals should be less materialistic because
people
Use synonyms
 want to avail every
luxurious
Replace the word
luxury
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
, and in that quest, they become
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, after completing working time
people
Use synonyms
 should take
break
Add an article
a break
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 social media and emails to enjoy
life
Use synonyms
 in its true form. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 to balance between work and family
people
Use synonyms
 face
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of problems
such
Linking Words
Change preposition
as a
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
stress
Change preposition
of stress
show examples
 and technology but these problems are not insurmountable. In my view, it is every individual responsibility to tackle these issues, and they should start by considering some of the solutions proposed above.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: