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Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
The world today suffers from consequential health disorders
such
 as obesity, resulting from junk
food
 and leading sedentary lifestyles. Across the globe, the masses are facing serious health concerns
due to
 their bad dietary habits.
Thus
, to prevent
further
 loss of health, authorities must levy tariffs on
food
 distributors. I am a strong advocate of given affirmation and my point of view is elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with, one of the prime advent of overtaxing fast
food
; the state gets the extra income and
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 that for recreational and educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. The use of collected tax money helps the authority to serve the nation in the best way by providing upgraded services.
For instance
, the regime should make gardening in metropolitan with gym facilities, which would be beneficial to all kinds of people from children to old age people.
Moreover
, the public can be motivated to use provided services
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
get relaxation from their routine life and stay fit;
consequently
, they can widen their social group by communicating with different crowds.
On the other hand
, adolescents are the primary consumers of unhealthy dishes,with
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 prices they would not be able to eat similar kinds of cuisine regularly and would be forced to move toward a healthy diet.
This
 will help them later in life since they start eating a nutritional diet and feel energetic. One excellent example of
this
 is, one of the reports presented on Discovery , young athletes admitted the fact that a green diet is a prime reason for their outstanding performance since they can practice more without feeling tired.
Hence
, youth can benefit majorly from the change of lifestyle.
To conclude
, the implementation of firm laws regarding
food
 consumption has become a necessity considering the consumption habits of society and It is the duty of the regulatory body to take steps in that direction.
Submitted by godhaniaradhana03 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present, but they could be more clearly defined to establish the purpose of the essay and summarize the main points. Ensure that the essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main points, and a conclusion that reinforces the author's position.
task achievement
The response provides a complete view on the issue and provides relevant examples. However, there are areas that are not fully developed or could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive response. Make sure to address all parts of the prompt and fully develop the ideas presented.
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