IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #children #crimes #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When
children
Use synonyms
 commit
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
, many believe that they themselves should be punished,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 there are those who argue that the
parents
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
 should face legal justice
instead
Linking Words
. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be personally liable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the wrongdoing of their
children
Use synonyms
, since they themselves have not committed a crime, and cannot
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 be responsible. Some may argue that since
children
Use synonyms
 have not fully developed their mental faculties,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
behaviours performed by them must be copied from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 that teach their kids
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 behaviour
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 shoulder some of the blame for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 misbehaving. Studies have shown that
children
Use synonyms
 growing up in abusive households,
for example
Linking Words
, are more likely to grow up having psychological issues of their own.
Thus
Linking Words
, it might be suggested that since
children
Use synonyms
’s cognitive functions are moulded by their
parents
Use synonyms
, they should be punished
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to punish the
parents
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 implies that the child has no free will.
Although
Linking Words
 parenting does play a part in individual action, it must be pointed out that individuals
also
Linking Words
 have a degree of autonomy (
this
Linking Words
 of course by age; a
four year old
Add a hyphen
four-year-old
show examples
 does not have the same level of cognition as a
seventeen year old
Add a hyphen
seventeen-year-old
show examples
).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to convict
parents
Use synonyms
 of crimes their
children
Use synonyms
 commit would be to indict them for acts they simply have not done - it could
also
Linking Words
 be the case that the child was raised perfectly well, and still decided to become a criminal.
Therefore
Linking Words
, since it cannot be proven that a child’s criminal action is
purely
Replace the adverb
pure
show examples
 because of their
parents
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of their own volition, their
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be punished. Overall, I argue that since even
children
Use synonyms
 past a certain age have a degree of autonomy, we should not put a legal punishment on
parents
Use synonyms
 of criminal
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nhuminh031001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: