IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in some countires it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.How far do you agree with either of these views?

#countires #children #education #four #years #school #seven #eight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays ,education at an early
life
Use synonyms
 is important for children but
people
Use synonyms
 always question how early is early .In many ,nations it is advised that young
people
Use synonyms
 need to start their learning at four years old ,
while
Linking Words
highly
Rephrase
a high
show examples
 percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 claim that young
people
Use synonyms
 need to start at the age of seven or eight .I strongly agree that education should start at four years old.In my essay,I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 highlight the reason why I choose so. First and foremost, studying at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is important so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
know
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 bits of knowledge and make new friends .
This
Linking Words
 was because they could learn the alphabet and words so that they could communicate fluently in the future.There were many students in the class so they could learn how to interact with each other and work together as a team which was a useful skill for society .
For example
Linking Words
 ,parents who were always busy with work and had no time to spend with their kids would feel lonely and scared.So,busy parents should bring their kids to the academy so that they would not feel abandoned .
on the other hand
Linking Words
 ,young
people
Use synonyms
 did not have the ability to differentiate what was the right thing and the wrong thing to do .Formal study like
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
 could teach subjects like morals so that young
people
Use synonyms
 could be
an
Change preposition
in an
show examples
 ethical community in the future .Children who are easily influenced by others should go to school at an early
life
Use synonyms
 as a school
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a good environment . In conclusion, the advantages of formal learning in the
life
Use synonyms
 of four outweigh the disadvantages.
children
Capitalize word
Children
show examples
 can learn many social skills and make new friends if they start their learning earlier .By doing so a better society could be produced by a more effective educational system that begins in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
early
life
Use synonyms
Submitted by emilylim48 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction needs to provide a clear statement of the writer's position and an outline of the main points that will be covered in the essay.
task response
The main points need to be further developed and supported with specific examples and clear explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: