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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #time #work #home
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These days, most
people
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 find themselves working longer hours, cutting into their home time. Though
this
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 brings economic stability to a nation, it
also
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 deprives
people
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 of a rich personal
life
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. The foundation of economic prosperity is a flourishing middle class unburdened by debts. A good example and counter-example of
this
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 can be seen in the changing fortunes of the American model of economics. In the 1950s the economy grew as
people
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 worked long hours and had large disposable incomes to feed back into the larger consumer economy by purchasing automobiles, houses, and luxuries. Since the economic crash of 2008, there have been fewer jobs to go around and most
people
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 make
due
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do
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 with part-time labour. The result of an idle labour force was a long-lasting recession that has only abated in recent years as
people
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 began to work more. When
people
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 have less time to spend either on their hobbies or with their family, they rightly feel deprived. Every person should have time for both a fulfilling public and private
life
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. Work constitutes the bulk of public service for most
people
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 and home
life
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 the private. Those with families feel particularly justifiable anger, which can boil over to general unhappiness or depression at best and neglect or abuse, at worst. Even the childless still have loved ones, hobbies, and a variety of other pursuits.
At the end
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 of their lives, everyone strives to be able to look back proudly on their career and fondly on their daily
life
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. In my opinion, the tilting of work-
life
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 balance towards work is primarily a negative because it robs
people
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 of some of their most meaningful moments.
People
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 must individually find ways to not only survive but
also
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 prosper in a world where the private sphere shrinks with each passing year.
Submitted by ayseozzdemir on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat haphazard and lacks clear progression from idea to idea. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, and use transitional words to link ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the essay contains an introduction and conclusion, they are not as developed as they could be. The introduction needs to provide a better preview of the essay's main points, and the conclusion should more effectively sum up the essay's argument.
task achievement
The response provides a partial view on the advantages and disadvantages of spending more time at work and less time at home. To improve, provide a more comprehensive exploration of both the positive and negative effects of this trend.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and relevant ideas, but lacks specific examples to support its points. Incorporate concrete examples that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of spending more time at work and less time at home.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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