IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
Some people provide their
children
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
widenumber
Correct your spelling
wide number
 of playthings for their
children
 to play with them,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
personallythat
Correct your spelling
personally that
 a large number of
toys
 can affect
children
 the pectations. for disadvantage we can say when
children
 have a large number of playthings ,maybe it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
effect
 on the
children
's life.
firstly
 ,when the kid has any
toys
 who don’t know the value of their plaything , for an instant, the kid doesn’t keep safe them.
secondly
 , a large of facilities for the
children
 can bring a kid to spoil, and spoiled brats are not lovely .
finally
, many numbers of
toys
 don’t use ever because the kids growing up and
toys
 are
unusefull
Correct your spelling
unuseful
useful
. and for advantage we
ca
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 refer to refer great numbers of
toys
 for
children
 have some positive
effect
 on their mental kids which they can imagine the different situations with the
toys
 in their mental and make a story with them.
for example
 with small animals
toys
 can make the zoo story, and different type of
toys
 help them to makes different stories.when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 think about making an anecdote their brain was brains active and it has a positive
effect
 on their intelligence. In conclusion, we understand that having a large number of plaything is good for the
children
 when makes their minds active and
also
 have a bad
effect
 on
children
’s behaviour.
Submitted by Fa Ha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: