IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
In certain sectors,
workers
 put a lot of effort to improve countries' economies and protecting people.
Therefore
 some suggest that the
retirement
 age should differ according to a person`s job type. In my perspective, I totally agree with the above statement because it is important for the
government
 to identify difficulty levels, stress levels and how many sacrifices some
workers
 make in order to do their duties to the country. Some
workers
 push their limits in order to do their job.
Firstly
, We could see some jobs where you have to use a lot of physical strength in order to complete their day-to-day tasks. Constructors,
for example
,
their
Add a missing verb
have their
show examples
 core job
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 carry heavy materials from one place to another.
Secondly
, we could see that in certain jobs you have to put yourself at risk where there is a possibility of losing your life as well.
For example
, we could see military personnel take responsibility for protecting their country and people by putting their life at a risk.
Therefore
 it is important for the
government
 to provide early
retirement
 age and provide their pension earlier. Even if the
government
 wants to set different
retirement
 ages, it will be quite challenging. Especially to educate everyone on why certain jobs have an early
retirement
 age.
Workers
 from other sectors might feel that the
government
 does not appreciate their contribution to the economy.
This
 could demotivate many people and bring down their productivity level as well. In conclusion,
although
 it is a tough decision to make, it is important for the
government
 to value certain sectors which help to boost the country's economy and safety than the other. In my opinion, it is important for the
government
 to educate everyone with statistics so everyone could get a clear idea of why the
government
 came up with
such
 a decision.
Submitted by migara.dak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: