IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Now a day,
fast moving
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fast-moving
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 lifestyle and eating more junk food and drinking beverages
is
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are
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 creating more and more
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Add a hyphen
health-related
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health related
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health-related
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 issue in
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 generation like it is
increasing
Replace the word
increased
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 blood
sugar
Use synonyms
 level. I strongly agree that
such
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products
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prize
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 should
increase
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 by
government
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the government
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. In
further
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 discourse, I will enunciate ideas in
favor
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favour
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 of my belief with some opposite
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
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 some
people
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 have.
To begin
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 with,  beverages and food available in
current
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the current
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 market
contains
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contain
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to
Correct your spelling
too
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 much artificial
sugar
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 to make
product
Correct article usage
the product
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 sweeter but it will
impact
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 more on
Correct article usage
the person
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person
Change noun form
person's
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sugar
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 level and more
people
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 will face
health
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 problems like
diabetic
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diabetes
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 so
this
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 must need to
be control
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be controlled
show examples
. As an example, in some countries,
government
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the government
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 is banning
selling
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the selling
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 of
such
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 beverages
in
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on
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market
Add an article
the market
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.
Furthermore
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, young
child
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children
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 are more prone to attract
such
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kind
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kinds
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 of
products
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 and so it will
impact
Use synonyms
 more on their
health
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also
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. To stop
such
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 issues, there is one simple way is government should make
such
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products
Use synonyms
 more expensive so that
people
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 can not buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 easily and so that consumption will get
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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. On the opposite side, some
people
Use synonyms
not
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do not
did not
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 agree with
such
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 kind of
Use synonyms
prize
Correct your spelling
price
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increase
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 because they think that
increase
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the prize
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prize
Correct your spelling
price
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 will lead to inflation  in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and
moreover
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
impact
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 the business of
sugar
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factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 and
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products
Change the noun form
product
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 manufacturers so
people
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 should control their
sugar
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 level by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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. To recapitulate, There are some strong reasons like these
products
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 can harm person’s
health
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 and can
impact
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 chile lifestyle and
health
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 by which I am recommending for
prize
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increase
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 on
these product
Change the determiner
this product
these products
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 but some
people
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 believe that
this
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 can
impact
Use synonyms
 country and manufacturer economy so
sugar
Use synonyms
 control can be done in
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 way.
Submitted by walid.hgr7 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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