You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.

#college #cafeteria #lunchtime #improvements

In my opinion, due to social responsibilities, everyone and everything have to do something.

However

Add a comma

,However

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I disagree with the statement

Unnecessary verb

apply

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that private

companies

should supply

sports

facilities.

Firstly

, the private sector has enough economical pressure on them. They pay enough tax for their activities

therefore

if someone should create some kind of facility for local communities, it must be done by government and state organizations.

For instance

Correct your spelling

she's

sme`s

Change noun form

SMEsare

show examples

having a hard time during

pandemic

Add an article

a pandemic

the pandemic

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hence

lot

Add an article

a lot

show examples

sme`s

Correct your spelling

SME's

closed their operations.

Secondly

, the private sector should focus on their employers’ education and other ability which improve their productivity. Due to its duty, organisations are already doing great work.

For example

; some

companies

pay the school fees for their employees.

Thus

, workers who get professional development become possible to do their job well.

Lastly

, private institutions provide employment to almost half of the working people. So, It may decrease unemployment. Thereby helping to reduce even one of the county’s problems. So why would we require business institutions to provide

sports

complexes for local communities?

Nevertheless

, businesses in the

sports

sector can provide

sports

facilities, if they want. Because those

companies

know about necessary things that should be done in

this

industry.

Also

, sport is important for a person’s health.

That is

why

sports

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

such

as jogging tracks, and gyms need to be built. To conclude, a set up like a

sports

hall is significant for our life. Even so, non-governmental organizations

such

as private

companies

should not provide facilities for physical activities for the local districts.

Submitted by nsarangua on Wed Sep 14 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

257 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In order to improve a country’s education system, high school students should be encouraged to publicly critique their teachers online. Do you agree with this? What are some other ways high school education could be improved

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government should make university education free for all students, regardless of their financial situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.