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Band 4.5

You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements.

#college #cafeteria #lunchtime #improvements
In my opinion, due to social responsibilities, everyone and everything have to do something.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 I disagree with the statement
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that private
companies
 should supply
sports
 facilities.
Firstly
, the private sector has enough economical pressure on them. They pay enough tax for their activities
therefore
 if someone should create some kind of facility for local communities, it must be done by government and state organizations.
For instance
,
Correct your spelling
she's
sme`s
Change noun form
SMEsare
show examples
 having a hard time during
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
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,
hence
lot
Add an article
a lot
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 of
sme`s
Correct your spelling
SME's
 closed their operations.
Secondly
, the private sector should focus on their employers’ education and other ability which improve their productivity. Due to its duty, organisations are already doing great work.
For example
; some
companies
 pay the school fees for their employees.
Thus
, workers who get professional development become possible to do their job well.
Lastly
, private institutions provide employment to almost half of the working people. So, It may decrease unemployment. Thereby helping to reduce even one of the county’s problems. So why would we require business institutions to provide
sports
 complexes for local communities?
Nevertheless
, businesses in the
sports
 sector can provide
sports
 facilities, if they want. Because those
companies
 know about necessary things that should be done in
this
 industry.
Also
, sport is important for a person’s health.
That is
 why
sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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such
 as jogging tracks, and gyms need to be built. To conclude, a set up like a
sports
 hall is significant for our life. Even so, non-governmental organizations
such
 as private
companies
 should not provide facilities for physical activities for the local districts.
Submitted by nsarangua on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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