Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. why is that the cause? Should they be encouraged to utilise their free time in a better way?

#pastime #people #utilise #time

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, shopping is the

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

entertainment for most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

individuals.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

Correct word choice

whether is

show examples

there any activity to do

besides

Linking Words

shopping.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the youth loves to buy new items. Shopping is

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

one of the most enthusiastic

activities

Use synonyms

extensive research

conducted

Add a missing verb

was conducted

show examples

that 70% of

people

Use synonyms

are curious the buying new staff. The biggest reason is curiosity. Crowds are very curious to purchase new things.

This

Linking Words

leads to many consequences

such

Linking Words

as overspending and wasting money. The

second

Linking Words

reason is

people

Use synonyms

are addicted to buying new

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

. Research conducted recently indicated that

addiction

Use synonyms

is one of the prominent

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

shopping.

This

Linking Words

addiction

Use synonyms

badly affects

people

Use synonyms

's lives.

Addiction

Use synonyms

is some type of illness

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

people

Use synonyms

can not control. Shopping makes

addiction

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

just spend a lot of money

for

Change preposition

show examples

sustain

this

Linking Words

addiction

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, the government should take a big responsibility to encourage individuals to do better

activities

Use synonyms

. There are lots of

activities

Use synonyms

to do

besides

Linking Words

shopping. A study carried out by Koc University showed that the young generation should play chess or

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

a new language is better than shopping. Shopping is just spending money. Shopping is not beneficial for

people

Use synonyms

. Individuals should try new things which contribute to their lives If the government prepare new events for

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

such

Linking Words

as swimming or basketball matches

people

Use synonyms

would have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality time.

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

type of sport is very entertaining. To conclude,

people

Use synonyms

can do lots of

activities

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of shopping. Professors suggested that playing chess or swimming is better than shopping.

Submitted by brsson06 on Thu Sep 15 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on children's behavior.
Nowadays, people are able to gain knowledge through media thanks to globalization. The internet allows everyone, including children, to consume everything from everywhere easily. Unfortunately, the internet itself is a free space, which has the possibility to provide harmful content such as violence. Therefore, I strongly believe that parental methods and peer groups play a significant role in children's mindset and response towards violence issues. However, there are several things that we need to address regarding media management rules.
5
band
Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.
There are opposite ideas about the negative effects of watching TV on children's behaviour. Some people believe that they can much more influenced by the content of TV programs, while others are of the opinion that the amount of time they have been spent is more significant. I completely agree with the former.
5
band
Write about the following topic. Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In this day and age, young generations tend to start up because they enjoy facing the difficulties of being entrepreneurs instead of working from night to five with a salary paid. From my point of view, the benefits of starting up outweigh the drawbacks.
<4
band
Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
in sports, playing in teams or individual more effective is still a controversal topic. It is difficult to determine whether both types of play has more significant impact on player's performence. It seems to me that althought playing in teams brings their more benefits at competitive, others players still play better by their own. This essay will shed light one both sides and my perspective.
<4
band
Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Soma people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for all people. Some organisation is very good for somebody and again to opposite another humans.

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. why is that the cause? Should they be encouraged to utilise their free time in a better way?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on children's behavior.

Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their be haviour most. Discuss both vie ws and give your opinion.

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.