IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should give financial support to artists such as musicians, painters and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Art
Use synonyms
 should be praised in the form of financial support
according to
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 some
while
Linking Words
 others are against
this
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 idea.Now it has become the topic of debate between them. In my ,opinion artists should be supported by any means not only financially so that they can focus on their talent.
This
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 essay will discuss both opinions in
further
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 paragraphs .
To begin
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 with , the first and most important reason is that it helps them to boost their morale ,
therefore
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 they will produce more
art
Use synonyms
 without any financial stress.Obviously , they devote their talent to creating magnificent products like painting , music or poetry, which is a major tool for
people
Use synonyms
 whenever they seek peace after a
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard
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 day.
However
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, they do not get paid by the government as it is considered a hobby ,not a full-time job which demoralises them to give their best.
Furthermore
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,
art
Use synonyms
 like music or poetry not only becomes a means of entertainment but
also
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 contributes to society by spreading social messages.
therefore
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, artists deserve the expenditure from the government as their work has a great influence on society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some folks believe that there are more significant aspects like education , healthcare or transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 that need more priority and consider
this
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 investment
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
.It is undeniable that those aspects play a paramount significant role in
people
Use synonyms
's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
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 , if a country does not have a proper healthcare system
then
Linking Words
 what is the use of great
art
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?
Moreover
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,It is considered that there are several
people
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 who have an interest in
art
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 and they spend an amount of
money
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 to subsidise the
art
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.
For example
Linking Words
 , producers are already spending
money
Use synonyms
 on musicians or some painting collectors have hobbies
to collect
Change preposition
of collecting
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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paintings they will pay a hefty amount .
To conclude
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 ,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 think that the government should not spend
money
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 because of problems in other sectors , I believe that they should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 as well, as it helps them to boost their morale so that they can contribute more to a good way to society and country.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer and smoother progression between ideas and paragraphs by using linking devices and transitional phrases more effectively. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the points to ensure they are presented with greater precision, particularly when outlining the opposing viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows a good task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and help frame the discussion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government funding
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic development
  • Financial stability
  • Nurture talent
  • Innovation
  • Diverts resources
  • Critical services
  • Art market
  • Personal merit
  • Mediocrity
  • Dependency
  • Patrons
  • Sponsorship
  • Private funding
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