IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

There is a growing concern shown by health professionals worldwide that the masses are not undergoing sufficient
fitness
Use synonyms
 activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes for
this
Linking Words
 trend
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as hectic work schedules and lack of motivation
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with solutions for improvement
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 management and staying inspired. Nowadays
exercising
Punctuation problem
, exercising
show examples
 enough is not as popular as it was in the past
mainly
Punctuation problem
, mainly
show examples
due to
Linking Words
scarcity
Correct article usage
the scarcity
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend is on the rise
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 increasing competition in the workplace, working individuals tend to labour beyond the required hours and have no
time
Use synonyms
 to perform physical exercises.
For example
Linking Words
, despite being passionate about running, I used to run only on weekends as I could not manage
time
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 work.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, some of them do not feel motivated enough to follow a
fitness
Use synonyms
 schedule, particularly
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of results.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends joined a gym to lose weight
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 dropped off midway as there was no visible weight loss.
Due to
Linking Words
 these reasons, people do not
exercise
Use synonyms
 well. Lifestyle diseases are on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rise
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is imperative
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 give serious thought to exercising well so that the situation can improve.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they should discuss with their bosses and agree upon the work timings
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a sufficient portion of the
time
Use synonyms
 saved should be allocated for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they should look at ways to stay motivated. They can listen to inspiring stories, look out for workout partners and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies can
also
Linking Words
 help and encourage
fitness
Use synonyms
 routines. To illustrate, my company has already started
fitness
Use synonyms
 campaigns and employees logging their physical effort in running, swimming,
etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
show examples
 get rewarded for achieving certain milestones. In all, better
time
Use synonyms
 management and motivation will help to sustain a
fitness
Use synonyms
 schedule. To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed the causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 to why individuals do not
exercise
Use synonyms
 enough
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with ways to reverse it.
Although
Linking Words
 people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
busy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and do not feel motivated enough to
exercise
Use synonyms
, with better
time
Use synonyms
 management and
inspiration
Punctuation problem
inspiration,
show examples
 they can undertake more physical activities than those undertaken
today
Punctuation problem
today,
show examples
 thereby leading to a decrease in lifestyle disorders.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task, you cover both causes and ways to fix. To push the score up, add more real facts and give more clear steps for how to slow or fix work life and how to keep people fit. Keep one main idea in each part and link them with a clear plan.
coherence
For flow, use clear links to join ideas. Keep sentences short and fit one idea in one line when you can. Start each paragraph with a simple sentence that tells the point, and end with a short closing line.
general
General tips: fix any big grammar or wrong word use. Make a plan first, then write, and check your work for last mistakes. Add more real and exact examples if you can.
structure
Clear start and finish are used.
linking
Good use of sign words like First, Next, Also.
examples
There is a real life example from work to back ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urban environments
  • public spaces
  • streaming services
  • engage in physical activities
  • physical activities
  • dependency on cars
  • maintaining good health
  • awareness
  • motivational
  • urbanization
  • commitments
  • sedentary work life
  • technology
  • busy schedules
What to do next:
Look at other essays: