IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #universities #offer #places #students #marks #ages #school
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Some
people
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 argue that colleges should only provide places to excellent
students
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,
while
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 another
school
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 of thought holds that they should allow all
ages
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students
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, even
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if they
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they
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if they
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 are fair
students
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to elucidate both viewpoints, before explaining why I lean towards the latter. It is understandable why some
people
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 subscribe to the view that
people
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 of all
ages
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 should be accepted, even if they are not good at
school
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.  One of
major
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the major
show examples
rationale
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rationales
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 is that education is equal for everybody,
any
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and
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 one has
chance
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a chance
the chance
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 to study at
school
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.
For example
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, there are a lot of
people
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have
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who have
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 a dream to go to
school
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 but they cannot because of
family's
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their family's
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 economy. These are prime testaments
how
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of how
show examples
 beneficial
people
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 of all
ages
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 should be allowed to go to
school
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 no matter how their performance.
Dispite
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Despite
 the aforementioned benefits, I would opine that concerns regarding colleges should be applied
young
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to young
show examples
students
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 who have the highest marks seem more justifiable. One of the most crucial
point
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points
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 is that after graduating, university
students
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 need to find jobs that are suitable for them, so university knowledge is very important to them.
In addition
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, If
students
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 can showcase themselves and demonstrate their abilities to teachers, they have a high chance of succeeding in their future jobs. These are prime testaments to the importance of why universities should only admit
students
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 with
highest
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the highest
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 grades, there are many risks if they accept
students
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 with many
diffirent
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different
 grades. In conclusion,
while
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 there is no denying that universities should only admit young
people
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 who have the best grades
offers
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and offers
show examples
 substantial benefits, I am of the opinion that it will be
imprundent
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imprudent
 to discount the importance of
acceptance
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accepting
show examples
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people
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of people
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 of all
ages
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, regardless of their unwell performance at
school
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.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and addresses both viewpoints adequately. However, it will be more effective to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance clarity, make sure to connect ideas more fluidly. Some sentences feel a bit disconnected.
task achievement
While you have supported your main points with examples, they seem general. More specific and detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary sentence structure and avoid repetition of similar phrasing to improve readability.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and provides a roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively reiterates your stance while summarizing the main points discussed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • merit-based
  • competitive environment
  • academic standards
  • innovation
  • diversity
  • mature students
  • equitable
  • inclusive admission policies
  • educational disadvantages
  • holistic admission process
  • extracurricular achievements
  • non-traditional students
  • equal opportunities
  • societal progress
What to do next:
Look at other essays: