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Band 5

Some people believe that happiness and emotional maturity are more important than physical health, while others disagree. **Discuss** both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #maturity #health #**discuss**
Some
communities
 believe that being happy and having emotions play a pivotal role in everybody's
life
 compared to having good physical
health
. I strongly argue with the given statement because without proper physical
fitness
communities
 cannot be happy with their emotions. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both scenarios and
then
 I will give some relevant examples. On the one side, Some
communities
 believe that happiness and emotions have great importance in their
life
 than physical
health
. It is important to be happy in their
life
 compared
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
 being physically fit. Because some of the
communities
 have
Add an article
a disability
show examples
disability
Fix the agreement mistake
disabilities
show examples
 and they don't have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to maintain
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
fitness
.
For instance
, Nowadays, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivational persons
are disable
Change the verb form
are disabled
show examples
 persons and they are inspiring others with their words and
explaining
Change preposition
by explaining
show examples
 how they are leading happy
life
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are perfect in shape. I think these
disable
Replace the word
disabled
show examples
 persons are having emotional maturity and leading a happy
life
 by encouraging other
communities
. On the other side, Most of the
communities
 are focusing on their physical
fitness
 because without
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 diet they are facing lots of
health
 problems which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 leading
death
Change preposition
to death
show examples
. By consuming
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
, etc
communities
 are suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 obesity, thyroid, PCOD, etc. By doing Yoga, Meditation,
regular
Correct word choice
and regular
show examples
 exercises people can improve their thinking power and get relief from stress due to hectic work schedules.
For instance
, Nowadays, Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
women
women's
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 are suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 PCOD and facing problems during pregnancy
this
 is because due to physical
health
 problems. So it is important to maintain physical
health
 because without proper
fitness
communities
 are dying due to
heartattack
Correct your spelling
heart attack
heart-attack
, etc. To sum up, In my view, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communities
 should focus on their physical
health
 by doing regular exercises, yoga, etc which improves thinking power,
also
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
show examples
 patience according to the situation, etc.
Submitted by madarapulavanya1998 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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