IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development playing computer games to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games
Some individuals believe open-air
activities
 are more advantageous to
children
's growth than video
games
. I entirely agree with
this
 view. In my opinion,if
children
 went out to do recreational
activities
, they would receive more benefits compared
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sitting in front of a console. To clarify,
activities
 that are done in an outdoor setting let
children
 boost their physical stamina. According to research that was carried out on three hundred
children
 between 2005 and 2010 in England,
children
 who spent more than one hour outdoors were physically stronger than their peers. It is an undeniable fact that playing in the fresh air helps
children
 to improve their motor skills markedly.
Moreover
, playing outside with other
children
 is an excellent way to acquire interpersonal skills.
By contrast
, diving into computer
games
 acts as a deterrent to developing social skills.
In contrast
, some people claim that playing outside can pose some sort of threat to
children
.They insist that
children
 who go out of the safe environment of the house might get injured or be kidnapped.
Thus
, they prefer to bring up their
children
 in an isolated environment and encourage them to play video
games
 rather than expose them to the potential hazards of the real world.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing because
children
 who do not have the chance to perceive the real world and its risks will never learn to tackle their issues in the future. In fact, being exposed to the minor risks of real life is necessary for
children
's normal development. In conclusion, I completely agree with the people who admit outdoor
activities
 are more beneficial for
children
's growth than playing video
games
.
Submitted by kazemipoursamira on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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