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Band 5.5

Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #shops #products #consider #development
In
this
 contemporary era,some proponents discern the view that globalization helps all countries to have common goods of high quality,
while
 others are against
this
 claim.They do not consider that the merits surpass the demerits.
However
, I am a staunch believer that economic growth depends on the country itself .My contention will be
further
 explained. On one hand, some economists reckon that the universe is like a small country and that will boost the economy by exchanging international products all over the world.
In other words
, Merchandise will be more affordable and convenient than
before
Change preposition
apply
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in the past,when only rich people were able to afford the high prices
due to
 multinational taxes and duties. A prominent example is a report conducted by the
trade
Capitalize word
Trade
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 and
investment organization
Correct your spelling
Investment Organization
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in India that revealed that the economy increased by 7%
due to
 globalization after a period of an economic recession that had followed the pandemic Corona.
Hence
, what can be said is that
free-trade
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free trade
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 agreements contribute to the well-being of countries.
On the other hand
, the resulting progress is unequal and it relies on the country whether it is developed or developing.
Although
 multinational commodities are available, they will harm the local ones .
Besides
,
this
 issue may cause a lack of job opportunities because of displacement.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can be exemplified by local fried chicken shops that struggle to compete with the multinational prices of the brand store KFC.
Therefore
, not only does the matter influence local vendors negatively but
also
 it causes unemployment to some extent. In conclusion,
after
this
 essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that nations cannot underestimate the impact of globalization. I believe that it is a daunting task to find out some strategies to protect economic policies in poor countries.
Submitted by amer.ebtsam on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly answers the prompt and addresses both sides of the argument with balanced consideration.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay has good coherence and cohesion, but consider using transition words more consistently to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, aim to group related ideas together for smoother progression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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