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Band 5.5

Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view. do you agree or disagree?

#people #advertisements #society
Advertisements play a vital role in
this
 contemporary epoch. Huge organisations make use of
games
Change the noun form
game
show examples
 events to advertise their products. Few masses believe that it has a destructive effect on
sports
. I firmly accord with
this
 given notion, related viewpoints will be articulated in the impending inscribing before reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a logical conclusion. Predominantly, promoting products by big companies
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
sports
 events can be
Correct your spelling
destructive
distructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
 for players. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, due to promotions of distinct items
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
 competitions, competitors can lose their focus
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
game
 and they can lose
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
show examples
.
For example
, a survey was conducted by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States Census Bureau, in 2017, in Russia, which revealed that owing to advertisements of opulent things in
tennis
Add an article
a tennis
show examples
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
, players
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to concentrate.
Hence
, it directly
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the tennis
game
.
Nevertheless
, blurbs
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 often positive impact on
sports
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 provide knowledge about the
game
 to
people
. To explain it, some companies advertise things which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to a particular sport. While
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 they not only promote their items
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 give information about the
game
 which is a constructive approach for
sports
.
For instance
, some
people
 do not know about some games
such
 as dodgebow, if major firms use that
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
sport
Change the verb form
sporting
show examples
 event
then
people
 can aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that
game
 too. So, it
broaden
Change the verb form
broadens
show examples
 the horizon of mankind. In conclusion,
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of products
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
sports
 events by huge companies can
disadvantageous
Add a missing verb
be disadvantageous
show examples
 for
sports
 as players cannot give their best if they distract from their goal, Yet
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 cannot be neglected that advertisements can promote those games which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unusual for
people
.
Submitted by naresh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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