A person’s health is their own responsibility rather than the government’s responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is a saying that a person's
health
is the responsibility of themselves
instead
of the
government
. I think both parties are responsible, and
this
essay will explain why. The
government
cannot keep everyone healthy,
people
themselves should take responsibility. The
government
cannot control
people
's daily routines and eating habits.
People
nowadays eat too much food with high sugar and high fat, which is the main reason that makes us fat.
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
show examples
more and more
people
like to enjoy the nightlife, so it would disrupting the biological clock leads to insomnia. Namely
People
's lack of self-discipline results in these bad living habits.
As a result
, they need to be responsible for the
health
problems they cause.
However
, the
government
also
has an inescapable responsibility for
people
's
health
.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
thing is that environmental problems threaten
people
's
health
, and only the
government
can manage the pollution problem.
For example
, we can see an increasing number of cars releasing an amount of waste in cities, which is harmful to our body and breathing system. If the
government
can take some measures to control the
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
from cars, it will reduce the risk of
people
getting sick.
Also
, the
government
should have more funding for healthcare to ease
people
's burden of seeing a doctor. Because there are many
people
who cannot afford the
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
for medical treatment, they need help from the
government
to tackle medical problems.
To sum up
,
people
should be responsible for their own
health
, but the
government
also
has responsibilities.
Submitted by charlessung.hk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the thesis statement. Additionally, consider the use of linking words to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task response
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the essay prompt and provide more specific examples to support your points. Consider expanding on the government's role and responsibilities in relation to people's health.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal accountability
  • health outcomes
  • public health campaigns
  • regulations
  • healthcare services
  • environmental quality
  • socio-economic factors
  • governmental intervention
  • healthy living
  • informed health decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: