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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
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People have different views about whether
children
Use synonyms
 should decide what they want in daily life by themselves. While a spirit of
considerate
Replace the word
consideration
show examples
 can sometimes be appreciated by
others
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, I believe that the ability
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
show examples
 decisions is more significant. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 who
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 things by themselves are likely to become more independent in the future.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is important to cultivate
children
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's
self-conscious
Replace the word
self-consciousness
show examples
 in their childhood, knowing exactly what they want, so they are not going to feel lost when deciding their own life path
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
children
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, who always listen to their parents in their growing life, tend to rely on
others
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 to tell them what to do.
Secondly
Linking Words
, encouraging kids to choose what they
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 is able to increase their self-confidence, which can be seen as telling them that their ideas and suggestions matter.
Finally
Linking Words
, since they have to take the consequences of making these choices, they need to think carefully, and
this
Linking Words
 will enhance their ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 judgement.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, making their own decisions can sometimes cause individuals who consider themselves more than thinking about
others
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, which is to say, more selfish. The lack of concerning
others
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'
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 might lead to negative social impacts on themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who have less inclination to consider
others
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' needs compare
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about their own, gain less popularity than people constantly taking care of
others
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they might show reluctance to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
others
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' suggestions with different voices
against
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their own. In conclusion, even though there are some positive effects
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 not
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about themselves that frequently,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the advantages of making decisions about their own wishes are far more valued.
Submitted by junnnhwang on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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