STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
Pupils illustrate THAT sentenced
CRIME
RATE ARE very LOW AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION
DEGREES. THEREFORE
, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME
RATE IS TO EDUCATE prisoners
WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON
. In my opinion, educating prisoners
is the best way to avoid crime
because,
Giving Remove the comma
apply
education
is necessary for prisoner's
personal development.
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners'
Firstly
, Crime
is one of the biggest issues recently. İndividuals want to solve this
issue using education
. Research conducted by CNN revealed that giving education
to prisoner
%80 of decrease Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
crime
rate. İt is logical statistics becauseCorrect article usage
the crime
,
İf Remove the comma
apply
people
are educated they would not try to attack other people
. İt would preserve so much crime
in the world. As for me, when they were in the prison
they felt awful. They need to be conscious: therefore
,The Government should give education
to them. İf they take a lesson they would understand their mistake. They would not do same
mistake. Change the article
the same
For example
, Michael MyersAdd a missing verb
was
ten
years Change preposition
to ten
prison
when he was in the Change preposition
in prison
prison
he was taking lessons. Afterwards, he learned his
mistake and he became a beneficial Change preposition
from his
people
to the government Fix the agreement mistake
person
instead
of being harmful.
Secondly
, Some individuals think education
does not influence prisoners
behaviours. Change noun form
prisoners'
prisoner's
An extensive
research conducted by CNBC revealed that 65% of Remove the article
Extensive
prisoners
get worse after taking lessons.Giving education
is not plausible for prisoners
Because,
Remove the comma
apply
education
is not appropriate for prisoners
. For example
, Michael Londler
is one of the cruel Correct your spelling
Landler
murder
in the world. İf we give a lesson or try to educate him it would not be a dulcet idea. He tends to kill Replace the word
murderers
people
.
To conclude, there are many ideas which believe education
would completely change a prisoner
's life. In my opinion, Education
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
positively influences a Correct article usage
apply
prisoner
's life and it is a beneficial method.Submitted by brsson06 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite