STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Pupils illustrate THAT
CRIME
RATE ARE very LOW AMONG THOSE WITH
EDUCATION
DEGREES.
THEREFORE
, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE
CRIME
RATE IS TO EDUCATE
prisoners
WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN
PRISON
. In my opinion, educating
prisoners
is the best way to avoid
crime
because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Giving
education
is necessary for
prisoner's
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners'
show examples
personal development.
Firstly
,
Crime
is one of the biggest issues recently. İndividuals want to solve
this
issue using
education
. Research conducted by CNN revealed that giving
education
to
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
%80 of decrease
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate. İt is logical statistics because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
İf
people
are educated they would not try to attack other
people
. İt would preserve so much
crime
in the world. As for me, when they were in the
prison
they felt awful. They need to be conscious:
therefore
,The Government should give
education
to them. İf they take a lesson they would understand their mistake. They would not do
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
mistake.
For example
, Michael Myers
Add a missing verb
was
show examples
sentenced
ten
Change preposition
to ten
show examples
years
prison
Change preposition
in prison
show examples
when he was in the
prison
he was taking lessons. Afterwards, he learned
his
Change preposition
from his
show examples
mistake and he became a beneficial
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
to the government
instead
of being harmful.
Secondly
, Some individuals think
education
does not influence
prisoners
Change noun form
prisoners'
prisoner's
show examples
behaviours.
An extensive
Remove the article
Extensive
show examples
research conducted by CNBC revealed that 65% of
prisoners
get worse after taking lessons.Giving
education
is not plausible for
prisoners
Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
education
is not appropriate for
prisoners
.
For example
, Michael
Londler
Correct your spelling
Landler
is one of the cruel
murder
Replace the word
murderers
show examples
in the world. İf we give a lesson or try to educate him it would not be a dulcet idea. He tends to kill
people
. To conclude, there are many ideas which believe
education
would completely change a
prisoner
's life. In my opinion,
Education
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positively influences a
prisoner
's life and it is a beneficial method.
Submitted by brsson06 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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