Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #adolescents

In the present circumstance,

people

are becoming famous easily compares to the past. Some individuals claim that key

influencers

might affect young

people

's minds as they appear to be luxurious and wealthy. Personally, I go against

this

statement,

this

essay will discuss the benefits and disadvantages of celebrity images as well as express the writer's perspective. On the one hand, some famous

people

recently become a bad example for children to follow. . As technology is innovating dramatically,

people

now can access online content more convenient than in the past.

Consequently

, children can encounter

celebrities

that are infamous for their actions.

For example

, children who follow infamous

celebrities

may learn their unjustified thoughts

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and lifestyles as they think it is cool and modern.

Furthermore

, a lot of

influencers

squander a fortune in order to create content.

This

phenomenon,

however

, leads young

people

to have improper thoughts about the value of money.

As a result

, some teenagers will have a tendency to steal money from their parents.

On the other hand

, there are still numerous

celebrities

that create value for the communities.

First

and foremost, key

influencers

can generate and spread optimist energy to everyone.

Therefore

people

who observe them may follow up and enjoy a meaningful day.

Second

, talented

people

can hold awareness programs about problems that they are well-acquainted with to educate

people

on proper

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

In addition

, famous individuals can establish charity funds under their fame and reputation. These fortunes

then

can be utilized to support orphanages, and charity facilities or organizations.

Consequently

, it creates benefits for the communities. In conclusion,

although

there are some individuals who affect adolescents with unjust thoughts and lifestyles, other

influencers

still spread joyful energy to the communities as well as support social advancement.

Therefore

, I believe that the advantages of

celebrities

outweigh the downsides.

Submitted by sadohpv4 on Sun Sep 18 2022

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do yout think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?