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Writing Samples
Band 6

Should young children be encouraged to follow strict rules based on their cultural traditions or allowed to behave freely? Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In most parts of the world, children are raised
according to
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 traditional cultural values,
whereas
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 in other societies, they are allowed greater freedom to express themselves. In
this
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 essay, I'll view both points and their benefits. There are several reasons why Raising children with certain beliefs and values based on their own heritage could be beneficial.
Firstly
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, some cultures teach the importance of respect and punctuality which is practical in the workplace.
For example
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, the Japanese people are known for their strong job ethics.
Secondly
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, encouraging discipline from a young age would help them learn to resist negative influences growing up.
Finally
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, I think cultural traditions are beautiful and should be sustained so that other societies can benefit from each other.
On the other hand
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, letting kids explore life without shaping them
according to
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 strict norms could allow them to reach unexpected places, and every kid would experience different skills based on their personal interests.
For instance
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, If children are only exposed to a narrow cultural framework would probably limit their vision in life since it is the only environment they are exposed to. To summarise, In my opinion, young people are vigorous in nature and each individual should act and do as they please, but to a certain level.
This
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 is where traditional rules come in, to guide them with the wisdom passed down from previous generations.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is clearly developed with sufficient examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more balanced discussion in the body paragraphs by allocating similar amounts of space to both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining the introduction to give a clearer outline of your arguments and enhancing the conclusion to reinforce your overall message more strongly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear acknowledgment of both sides of the discussion, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your writing reflects a personal opinion, which enriches the discussion and makes it more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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