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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #society #money #possessions #importance #lives
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Some
people
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 hold the opinion that we are living in an increasingly materialized world, where
people
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's wealth determines their success. Contrastingly, some other
people
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 consider
this
Linking Words
 trend as a positive phenomenon that can motivate
people
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 to make considerable progress.
This
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 essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
 both views and states why
this
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 materialism can only benefit societies when it is
practiced
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practised
show examples
 in moderation. A large number of
people
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 in the modern world consider the ability
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
show examples
 a fortune as an excellent asset.
This
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 new set of
value
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values
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 is clearly reflected in the surveys where children and teenagers have to answer why they are choosing their future
career
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careers
show examples
. An
astonishing
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astonishingly
show examples
 large number of them state a materialistic reason for the
persuit
Correct your spelling
pursuit
 of their future professions.
This
Linking Words
 is while
,
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apply
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 the past generations usually had more idealistic purposes when they chose their jobs.
This
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 shows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 is emphasizing the importance of being wealthy. That being said, there are some
people
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 who believe
this
Linking Words
 change of values actually serves the societies in a positive way. When there is a desire for making a large amount of money,
people
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 make bigger efforts to flourish their business, which
at
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in
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 the end will benefit both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and the individual.
However
Linking Words
, the defenders of
this
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 movement seem to ignore some important factors.
First
Linking Words
,
a
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apply
show examples
society
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 is well-developed when it grows
balancedly
Correct your spelling
balanced
.
This
Linking Words
 is while, the materialistic attitude does not encourage the young to go after more rewarding jobs like teaching or nursing,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 are
poorly-paid
Correct your spelling
poorly paid
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.
Moreover
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, how can we ensure that a mindset that
prioritize
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prioritizes
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 making money over anything else, will not encourage the young to earn it through illegal means,
such
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 as drug trafficking? To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 earning possession can be an inspiration for
people
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 to work and bloom
,
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apply
show examples
 if it is not accompanied
with
Change preposition
by
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 moral values it can leave detrimental effects on
people
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 and their
society
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.
Submitted by manam75 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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