Some people say that playing games teaches us about life. Others emphasize that only practical experience teaches us valuable lessons about life. Which statement do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

It is argued that
video
games
are good teachers for individuals ,
however
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however,
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some
people
believe that just experiences can be valuable
for
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in
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their life. In my opinion, nowadays
video
game
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games
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have been developed very much, which provides a significant way for all
people
to get seasoned. In the
main
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meantime
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time
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time,
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it is so important to get social with other
people
as soon as possible.
This
is an important phenomenon
,
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apply
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because it is necessary for
people
to communicate well
in
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on
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some occasions
such
as
,
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apply
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job
interview
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interviews
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or at university. Recent developments in technology, especially in some means of gaming have
provide
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provided
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us
an
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with an
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opportunity to play with other
people
online and get social, which is obviously useful
to learn
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for learning
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more about other
people
,
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apply
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and
become
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becoming
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an experienced person in interactions.
For example
, in League of
legends
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Legends
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, which is an online game,
people
have to learn to cooperate and communicate instantly to get wins and rewards.
In addition
to that,
people
who play
video
games
especially
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, especially
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online ones, must always try to get better.
This
is the most significant reason for players to analyze their mistakes, so they try to improve themselves and enhance their skills
considerable
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considerably
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.
In
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On
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this
occasion, all
people
especially young individuals would try to
the
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do the
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same
it
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apply
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in the real world for their
career
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careers
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,
due to
the similarity of rivals among
people
in
the
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apply
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most
video
games
and the real world.
For instance
, in any online game companies build a ranked sector for
people
to challenge and compare themselves with the rest of the players, by the end of each season best players get rewards. In conclusion, there is a conflict among
people
that
Correct word choice
apply
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some of them believe
video
games
can contain valuable experiences,
while
others argue. I assume with the new conditions in
video
games
it totally makes sense if some
people
learn invaluable lessons from
video
games
.
Submitted by Bardiaa.alaeddini on

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