IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that playing games teaches us about life. Others emphasize that only practical experience teaches us valuable lessons about life. Which statement do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

It is argued that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are good teachers for individuals ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that just experiences can be valuable
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life. In my opinion, nowadays
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 have been developed very much, which provides a significant way for all
people
Use synonyms
 to get seasoned. In the
main
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it is so important to get social with other
people
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible.
This
Linking Words
 is an important phenomenon
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is necessary for
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate well
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some occasions
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 job
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
 or at university. Recent developments in technology, especially in some means of gaming have
provide
Change the verb form
provided
show examples
 us
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 opportunity to play with other
people
Use synonyms
 online and get social, which is obviously useful
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
show examples
 more about other
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 an experienced person in interactions.
For example
Linking Words
, in League of
legends
Capitalize word
Legends
show examples
, which is an online game,
people
Use synonyms
 have to learn to cooperate and communicate instantly to get wins and rewards.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
people
Use synonyms
 who play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 online ones, must always try to get better.
This
Linking Words
 is the most significant reason for players to analyze their mistakes, so they try to improve themselves and enhance their skills
considerable
Change the adjective
considerably
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
Linking Words
 occasion, all
people
Use synonyms
 especially young individuals would try to
the
Add a missing verb
do the
show examples
 same
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the real world for their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the similarity of rivals among
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and the real world.
For instance
Linking Words
, in any online game companies build a ranked sector for
people
Use synonyms
 to challenge and compare themselves with the rest of the players, by the end of each season best players get rewards. In conclusion, there is a conflict among
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some of them believe
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can contain valuable experiences,
while
Linking Words
 others argue. I assume with the new conditions in
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 it totally makes sense if some
people
Use synonyms
 learn invaluable lessons from
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner with a proper introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You need to provide a more complete response to the task prompt. Focus on developing your ideas and providing relevant examples to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • risk-free environment
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • empathy
  • real-world challenges
  • adapt
  • apply
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • overcoming obstacles
  • experiential learning
  • tangible results
What to do next:
Look at other essays: