IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
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It is not exaggerated that we are living in a world that has continuously developed with the advent of information technology.
Hence
, it has been an undeniable phenomenon that information technology plays an indispensable/
a
Correct article usage
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vital role in people’s lives as it helps them to
work
 from various places
instead
 of their workplace. From my point of view, the issue has both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, the benefits for people who
work
 at some locations except their workplace can feel more relaxed, comfortable, and free.
Furthermore
, lots of people come up with new ideas easily when they
work
 in an open place that can help them be motivated in their employment. Especially, the prices for fuel and vehicles have escalated significantly in recent years so people who
work
 from home can economize the cost for movement between two venues. Plus, I think if everyone works online and reduces the dust and smoke from transportation, the environment will be improved, and unpolluted.
On the other hand
, everything always has drawbacks, and working outside their workplace is not an exclusion. They can lose their attention working because of some external factors,
therefore
, their
work
 will be disrupted which can make them late for the deadline.
Besides
, internet disconnection is one of the most worrying issues we need to be concerned with/
about
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because it will cause unpredictable consequences. In summary, I think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages because it helps the employees take care of themselves, reduce the cost of movement, and so on.
Work
-life balance is incredibly crucial and only working from home can satisfy that in the best way.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention actual scenarios where remote work has benefited individuals or companies.
coherence cohesion
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, using 'exclusion' in place of 'exception.'
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is well-structured, aim for a more varied sentence structure to improve readability and impact.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of remote work.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the writer's point of view, making it easy for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the writer's opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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