IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents these days work in other countries, taking their families with them. Do you think the advantages of development outweigh its disadvantages?

#parents #work #countries #families #development
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With the yearning for better jobs, currently, there is a tendency for many
parents
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 to move to foreign
countries
Use synonyms
 for working with their families. From a personal perspective, I consider that the benefits of
this
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 trend outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, there are some disadvantages in some aspects of
this
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 trend. The kids may seriously suffer mental issues due to difficulties adapting to the new environment.
For example
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, Vietnamese
children
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 are hard
to
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apply
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familiar
to
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with
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 American foods in which most foods have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fat taste
such
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 as hamburgers, sandwiches, cheese,
ect
Correct your spelling
etc
instead
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 of rice in Vietnam.
Moreover
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,
this
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 case may cause limitations in the communication of
children
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 in foreign
countries
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. Generally,
children
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 cannot smoothly speak
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 language at the beginning.
Thus
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, there is a gap in terms of interaction between these
children
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 and foreign people, especially their new friends and teachers.
This
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 leads to a change in the character of
children
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, which means they can be introverted over time. They may encounter geographical problems when communicating with relatives in their hometown. Living in a new area in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another country
show examples
countries
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 with
parents
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 may result in negative impacts
to
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on
show examples
children
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.
On the other hand
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, in spite of these aforementioned disadvantages, admittedly, some following advantages are probably dominant in the discussed topic.
Children
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 can fully enjoy happiness during their childhoods and growth path when living with
parents
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.
Hence
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,
parents
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 will spend more time
on
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apply
show examples
educating, playing games, watching films, going on picnics,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 preparing traditional Vietnamese foods to take care of
theỉr
Correct your spelling
their
 kids and directing them
how
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on how
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 to adapt to a new environment.
This
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 helps prevent
children
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 from
stress
Add a missing verb
being stress
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.
Besides
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,
a
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apply
show examples
high-quality education and culture in developed
countries
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benefits
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benefit
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children
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 in their life from
their
Change the word
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. When acquiring theoretical knowledge combined with practical ones through modern facilities,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 laboratories, in these
countries
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,
children
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 have
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 probability to land
on
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apply
show examples
better jobs because they are able to apply what they learned in reality.
Thus
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, it is ensured that they have promotion opportunities in their career path.
In addition
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, currently, there are many social platforms including Facebook, Instagram, Facetime, etc. for
children
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 to easily keep tight relationships with their beloveds in other regions over the world. In conclusion, through the convincing benefit of the tendency that
parents
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 these days work in other
countries
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, taking their families with them, the detrimental impacts are faded.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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