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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time. Reason and examples....

#people #children #time #school #work #reason
It is argued, that
children
 have too much leisure
time
, which they often waste.
Therefore
, it is believed that
this
time
 should be used
instead
 to do more
school
 work. I am strongly in favour of
this
 narrative.
Firstly
, waste of
time
 is so widespread,
therefore
, we can mention
this
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
relevant trouble. As a consequence,
children
 spend their
time
 on long walks,
social
Change preposition
on social
show examples
 networks,
games
Correct word choice
and games
show examples
. It
is negatively influence
Change the verb form
is negatively influenced
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 development, for the reason that
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 age kids get knowledge like a sponge,
however
, they invest it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unuseful activities and entertainment.
Secondly
, if they do not make studying a habit from childhood, they will suffer from laziness in high
school
 and adult life. Since we are known, that principes come from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age. Laziness in adult life causes unemployment, depression and more global problems.
For instance
, Elon Musk
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 hard from his elementary
school
. Indeed, in that period of
time
, parents play the most obvious role. From them
depend
Add the preposition
ondepend
show examples
 future of their child.
Thirdly
, if
children
 devote
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
, they will not suffer from mental diseases, since they do everything in
time
 and spend plenty of
time
 on learning. To conclude,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to reiterate, that
children
 should invest their
time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 homework,
studying
Correct word choice
and studying
show examples
, if they want to be successful and hard-working personalities.
Submitted by milyyy.aaa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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