IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Medical science has greatly lengthened the average lifespan of most people. Some think this is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#science #lifespan #people #think #development
Advanced medical technology has made a tremendous achievement in enhancing the life expectancy of several
people
 these days.It is considered by
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 that
this
 is a positive improvement
while
 there are others who disagree. In my opinion , medical science saving
people
’s lives is truly a beneficial development
although
 it brings some minor drawbacks. On one hand, many think that the lengthened lifespan of
people
 is a sign of advantageous development delivered by medical science.Advanced medical equipment and methods can save precious personnel
such
 as presidents or ministers if they are having sudden health problems when handling critical situations.
Due to
 continuous ongoing research about diseases and the roots of
such
 ailments , numerous diseases can be identified easily and
thus
 enhance the awareness of hazardous diseases . With the help of modern technology and medicine, any pathogens or viruses can be determined in an instant and
hence
, aid doctors to intervene earlier , resulting in countless lives being saved.
On the other hand
 ,there are certain individuals who have differing opinions regarding
this
 problem.They claim that medical enhancement of stretching
lifespan
Correct article usage
the lifespan
show examples
 of
people
 causes problems relating to population. In general , the annual birth rate of babies already surpassed the death rate, leading to overpopulation. Based on that fact, if
people
’s lives are stretched by artificial means, it will worsen the growth of overpopulation , which will
further
 result in more resources being consumed . An increase in population means more energy , more urban areas and
consequently
 more pollution and more deforestation causing the natural order to be unbalanced. All in all ,I am of the opinion that up-to-date medical science surely contributes to positive development in several fields and
people
also
 ought to find solutions for the increased population caused by the same factor.
Submitted by naylinthar9293 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to improve precision and clarity.
grammatical range
Review the rules of grammar to avoid errors and enhance sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: