More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently,the
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

display of personal data like
address
Fix the agreement mistake
addresses

It seems that address may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and mobile phone numbers for the purpose of online financial transactions and socialization has
being
Change the verb form
been

It appears that the verb being should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

show examples
on the rise. Wealth generation is an important benefit of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
,However

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
the surge in the rate of
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime

The word cyber crime seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
since
it's
Correct your spelling
its

The word it's doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
onset cannot be overlooked. I believe that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has more good impacts.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will discuss
it's
Correct your spelling
its

The word it's doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
pros and cons in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail

It seems that details may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with,
funds
Change the noun form
fund

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of funds. Consider changing it to singular.

show examples
generation is an essential benefit of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

occurrence. It has become easy for clients to reach out to their vendors on calls because their contact numbers were made accessible to the public thereby enabling sales and transactions to be made.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, buying and selling of goods
has
Change the verb form
have

It appears that the singular verb has does not agree with the plural compound subject buying and selling of goods. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

show examples
become faster since phone numbers are made visible on the
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

calls could easily be made with the seller and with the display of bank details,payment is no longer a
Correct your spelling
challenge
Correct your spelling
challenge

If you don’t want challange to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
thereby more money is raised.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the time of response to emergency situations has become shorter because the individuals are easily contacted in cases of occurrence of bad events.To illustrate, the fire service group are easily called on cell phones in situations
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as fire incident.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

enables the early arrival to the scene and quick stoppage of the incident.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the good effects of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject effects. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
enormous.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has led to a rise in the occurrence of cyber crimes.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because of the easy access to personal data
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

fraudsters
utilises
Change the verb form
utilise

The singular verb utilises does not appear to agree with the plural subject the internet fraudsters. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
to hack into the accounts of their targets.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the knowledge of a person's account number
make
Change the verb form
makes

The plural verb make does not appear to agree with the singular subject knowledge. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
it possible for the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'

It appears that the word individuals should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

show examples
money to be stolen
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

leaving the
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human being

If you don’t want humanbeing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

bankrupt. To conclude, I think that the
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact

It seems that impacts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of the
trend
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject the impacts of the trend. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
of great
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit

It seems that benefits may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
since it allows people to make money and even enables
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
quick emergency response.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,the surge in
internet
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

fraud is worrisome.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government should regulate the way
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
which
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'

It appears that the word individuals should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

show examples
personal details are being assessed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal information
  • Online privacy
  • Security concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Convenient access
  • Social networks
  • Banking purposes
  • Positive development
  • Negative impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: