IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the charts below give information about levels of education in glascow,a city in scotland , in 2010

the charts below give information about levels of education in glascow,a city in scotland , in 2010
#information #levels #education #glascow #city #scotland
THE
BARCHART
Correct your spelling
BAR CHART
 AND PIE CHART ILLUSTRATES THE PERCENTAGE OF
PEOPLE
 IN A CITY OF SCOTLAND
PERSUING
Correct your spelling
PURSUING
show examples
EDUCATION
 PER LEVEL (
UNIVERSITY
, SCHOOL AND THOSE WITH NO QUALIFICATIONS) IN 2010. THE
INFORMATIONS
Change the wording
INFORMATION
PIECES OF INFORMATION
show examples
 RECORDED IN THE CHARTS WERE ACCUMULATED FROM FIVE DIFFERENT RANGE OF
AGE
GROUPS
 IN
BAR
Correct article usage
THE BAR
show examples
 CHART AND BY GENDER IN PIE CHART.
OVERALL
, THE PERCENTAGE OF
PEOPLE
PERSUING
Correct your spelling
PURSUING
show examples
UNIVERSITY
EDUCATION
 IN YOUNGER
GROUPS
WERE
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ACCOUNTED
IN
Change preposition
FOR
show examples
MAJORITY
Correct article usage
THE MAJORITY
show examples
WHILE
 COMPARED TO THE OLDER
GROUPS
 WHO DID NOT HOLD ANY QUALIFICATIONS. THOSE WITH THE PROPORTIONS OF MEN AND WOMEN WERE SIMILAR AND SHOWED LITTLE AMOUNT OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEVELS OF
EDUCATION
. THE PERCENTAGE OF
PEOPLE
 WITH
UNIVERSITY
Correct article usage
A UNIVERSITY
show examples
EDUCATION
 WAS
UPTO
Correct your spelling
UP TO
 76% IN THE YOUNGER THREE
AGE
GROUPS
 COMPARED TO ONLY 50% IN
50
Correct article usage
THE 50
show examples
-75 RANGE OF
AGE
 AND
UPTO
Correct your spelling
UP TO
 25% IN
GROUPS
 ABOVE 75 YEARS OF
AGE
.
WHILE
 THE FIGURE FOR THOSE WITH SCHOOL CERTIFICATE
WERE
Change the verb form
WAS
show examples
 RELATIVELY CONSTANT AT AROUND 20% BUT WAS AS LOW AS 3% IN THE OVER 75’S, A REVERSE TREND WAS NOTICED IN
PEOPLE
 WITHOUT ANY QUALIFICATION – 9% IN YOUNGER
AGE
GROUPS
 RISING TO 72% IN OLDER
GROUPS
 THE PROPORTIONS OF MEN AND WOMEN IN EACH LEVEL OF
EDUCATION
 WAS AROUND ONE-THIRD WITH A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE OF 3% IN
UNIVERSITY
 GRADUATES
AS WELL AS
 THOSE WITHOUT ANY EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATION.
Submitted by sany22ys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, education, university, age, groups with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: